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The Last Five Years
Five years ago I turned thirty, and everything was fine. I was working steadily in the fields that I love, music and theology. I had a small apartment in a great location. I had wonderful friends near...
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The shower and the snow
This time last year I was home on medical leave, and my soon-to-be-husband was working morning shifts. He would wake around 2:00 am, which didn’t bother me much since I had nowhere to be. We’d chat...
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Coming out of the dark
I hope I don’t die in the spring. I remember exactly where I was when I had that disconcerting thought. I was driving with the sunroof open through the busiest intersection of my urban neighborhood,...
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By your holy cross you have redeemed the world
What follows is a version of the remarks I gave today on a Good Friday walk for high school students, reflecting on the Stations of the Cross. It’s really an honor to be with you today, and especially...
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The truth about IBD: A post for World IBD Day
I napped a lot at my sickest. Crohn’s is caused by all your stress, right? What do you eat that makes you so sick? Are you resting/eating right/doing yoga/overhauling your life? Because if you were you...
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A woman who likes to eat
The latest dust-up in this distressing election cycle has been Donald Trump’s fat shaming of a former Miss Universe, Alicia Machado. His comments and attitude are disgusting and demeaning: even if you...
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Gentle with her
Maggie was my yoga teacher the summer I was sickest. Young and healthy, kind without being showy about it, she is a memorable character from that time of trying to hold together what was falling apart....
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Insurance and the common good
I had been working for my current employer for five years, happily paying for my portion of my insurance costs while lucky enough to not need more than a yearly exam, when I became suddenly ill. Out of...
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What grows in winter
On a frigid Friday night about three years ago, I surrendered. I spent the evening pacing the subterranean studio apartment where I lived alone, clutching my hair and praying Hail Mary. The pain I had...
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In between miracles
On the April day that I went to the emergency room for the first time, I returned home to learn that my cousin and godmother had died after a bewildering health emergency. It had only been a few years...
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Ignatius and me in Barcelona: Companionship, reliance and faith
He was afraid that if he had a companion with him, he would lose some of that supreme trust in God, deflecting it onto his companion. – Pedro de Ribadeneira, writing of Ignatius’s travel from Manresa...
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It’s OK to be sick
When I got sick, it was public. I was late and out sick often, I couldn’t be as social as I had been before, I lost a lot of weight and later a lot of hair. I know some people criticized me for how...
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Before and After
A recent photo. When my illness was at its worst, a few months before surgery put my Crohn’s into remission, close to half of my hair fell out. This is common when your body goes through trauma (women...
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Enough as you are, in every way
Eight years ago this week I was diagnosed with a chronic illness after decades of perfect health. For about a year I only had periodic instances of debilitating pain, but with time Crohn’s disease took...
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When we know what’s coming
The other night, unexpectedly, a flash of pain in my stomach made me bolt up in bed. An old hand at GI issues, I knew the pain was further “upstream” than previous intestinal pain; and the combination...
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Post-op
It has been seven years since I had major surgery after a long illness, surgery that put me on a path to healing. Usually on this anniversary I re-share certain pictures on social media, remembering...
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